Bonuses! Promotions! Pay rise! Throw money at people and they will deliver their best work. Right? You would know better. These will at best keep them from leaving. To get the best out of people, they need to feel valued. And there is a cheap, easy way to make that happen. You just need to learn how to show it.
The power of relationships
Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs makes this concrete. The idea is simple: you need to fulfil the lower layers before you can reach the higher ones.
The basic needs are easy to cover at work - water, toilets, stable employment. The higher you go, the harder it gets.
Your company has tried to tap the highest level too. Take performance reviews. Their goal is to align people's internal drives with company objectives. How is that working for you? I would guess "meh" at best.
The problem is that it skips the middle of the pyramid: relationships. People want to connect with each other. They want to belong.
Appreciation
Appreciation communicates respect. It makes people feel valued. And it's different from those top-down corporate awards.
It happens at all levels. Colleague to colleague. Colleague to manager. And it happens all the time.
You might be thinking this sounds contrived. A little forced. I thought so too. But the difference between appreciation that lands and appreciation that doesn't is knowing which type to use.
The book 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace argues that people feel appreciated in five different ways. All you need is to know which one works for the person in front of you. Let's go deeper.
How people feel appreciated
Words of Affirmation
You can praise people for their accomplishments, their character, or even their personality. Most people prefer to receive this in private. In small groups it's fine too.
Quality Time
Giving someone your time and undivided attention. It could be a one-on-one with no agenda, or a team event where everyone is genuinely present. It has to be real quality time - so put the phone down.
Acts of Service
Shows the person you care by lending them a hand. Say your colleague is running behind schedule through no fault of her own. She will feel encouraged if you help out. Even better if you volunteer rather than wait to be asked.
Tangible Gifts
Something that shows you put thought into it. Their favourite coffee, a Friday afternoon off after a long week. It's the thought that counts - which is a cliché because it's true.
Physical Touch
Don't! There is too much room for misuse. A high-five or a firm handshake to mark a win - fine. Anything beyond that, leave it out.
Where to start
Find out how each person on your team prefers to receive appreciation. Not by asking directly - nobody answers that honestly. Watch what they notice in others. Pay attention to what they do when they want to show appreciation themselves. That usually tells you everything.
Then do it deliberately. Do it often.
Filipe Albero Pomar is an engineering manager and speaker based in London. He writes about AI adoption, engineering leadership, and software delivery. Find him at alpomar.dev.
TechLeadConf 2026 · GenAI London 2026
